One Direction fan girl! :)

One direction fangirl!

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Everything was an illusion…

I thought 2014 was going to be my best and my worst year…worst because i kind of burnt out because of school and others activities while in the meanwhile i had arguments with my parents about my unfixable bad behaviour…best for having my first relationship and believing that i “actually had become a better person and nicer to people”-big mistake- and also i thought i had found the people who really loved me which was true but i didnt really appreciate it…
You know what is the truth? The truth is that everything that I had in my mind was an illusion…not real…only what I WANTED to think…
I’m still a bad person who doesn’t want anyone,who thinks everyone sucks, who is bored about EVERYTHING!!! I’m just an ugly bad bored creature with no particular reason of existence-for now I hope-who just USES everyone whenever it wants…
2014 is my worst year…
I just want to have whatever I want whenever I want without thinking about the others!
I’m rude! And most of the times I DONT REALISE IT!
I’m pushing people away
I’m talking bad about people who love me behind their back
I’m not a good friend
I feel alone
Miserable
Sad
Depressed

People say “if you give then you’ll take”
I only hear the “you’ll take”
I’m a hungry monster ready to swallow everything that gives happiness without thinking about these two humans called parents who are there for me and struggle to give me what I want…to make me happy…cause if your child is happy then you are happy…but…but what if your child doesn’t get satisfied with anything?what if she wants more and more?without “thank you”?

I thought I was the innocent
The goody-goody
The victim
But what if I’m a double faced bitch?
What if…

Alone…alone…solo…μονη…

I’m an orphan with parents 
How is that possible?i was so bad for them…bad for the their health…bad for their psychology…a bad daughter…a big mistake…a wrong decision…an unlucky moment…an useless person…a money spender…a bad sister…a bored creature…bad and only negative words can describe me

They can’t take me anymore!they kicking me out of the house

I don’t offer anything

I’m nothing

Just a talented person with no talent in the race called “life” “love” “family”

Good student-bad daughter
Good artist-bad sister
Pianist-mean
dancer-creep
Foreign language speaker-lier

Im so confused…why am I still alive?why can I just sleep and never wake up again?

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I’m not sure if you wanted me to post this or not but you are alive because you have a purpose. you may not know it yet but over time you will. I am truly sorry to hear this. If you need someone to talk to I am here for you. I love you